Private Pearly Gates


(Hazen/Burgess)


Just pretend its television, then you'll find yourself in heaven
And it'll be like everything they told ya'
Then you'll know all there is to know, from the who did who to the ho' de ho'
And if your lucky, the real Elvis will hold ya'


If you just adjust your brightness, people will show their politeness
Offering up the very things you need
Your emptiness they will fulfill, they'll help extend your cable bill
They'll be there with a Band-Aid when you bleed


And we can be there, grow all new hair there
After we leave our final packing crates
Wear what we want there, bare all we flaunt there
When we're at our Private Pearly Gates


Turn off your sound, turn off your ringer, turn off your mind, it's one hum-dinger
Of a place you thought was only dreams
Turn on your hope, turn off your sorrow, so when you tune in tomorrow
You'll get off/on what it really means


Do what is done there, 'cos we're all one there
Where Tony Perkins is always Norman Bates
But, he can't kill there, 'cos we're all dead there
Protected by our Private Pearly Gates


Now that you're in television, 'n possibly your greatest mission
Hangin' with the elites and the greats
You'll no longer be a relic, then you'll find yourself angelic
Deep inside those Private Pearly Gates
Yes, deep inside those Private Pearly Gates
Oh, deep inside, oh, deep inside those Pearly Gates!


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Private Pearly Gates
Lyrics: Charles Hazen & J Burgess

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